From misery to miracle Part-II: A journey of hardships, faith, magic, suspense and divine intervention

UPSC Civil Services Exam is one of the most prestigious and competitive exams in India, wherein every year around 10 lakh candidates apply and only about 900-1000 candidates make it to the final list. This makes it the toughest exam in the country with a success rate of less than 0.1%. Further, the fact that this is the third and final time I was attempting this exam and I could not even qualify the preliminary stage in my previous two attempts created a do or die situation for me. On the other hand, the Indian judiciary is infamous for the high pendency of cases running up to around 30 million. The ratio of judges per citizen is severely low - 17 judges per 1 million citizens. This coupled with the expenses of hiring good counsels makes it really tough for the common middle class to gather the courage to approach the judiciary for their due. Fate had it, that I was burdened with both these challenging circumstances at the same time.

I am Satabdi Mazumder, a UPSC aspirant from Tripura. In my last blog, I wrote about the challenges I faced while claiming the benefits of EWS reservation in the UPSC Civil Services Examination

Today, I am glad that God has answered my prayer and restored my faith in the justice system. We have often heard of the popular saying- “Justice delayed is justice denied.” In my case, the timing of justice delivery was significant and worth mentioning. There were waves of anxiety, tension, concern, depression, adrenaline rush around what would happen earlier-- the relief from High Court or the completion of UPSC's process. It seemed to me like an athletic event with high stakes. Finally, the relief reached the finish line faster than the UPSC's process. The slightest delay would have led to a miscarriage of justice as the UPSC was completing their process of conducting the Personality Test on 30th July 2020. After this, even if I got relief from the courts, it would not have helped me as arranging for an interview panel again would pose a practical difficulty for the Commission. But the journey was not as easy as it sounds. The complete overhaul from an adverse order from the Hon’ble Central Administrative Tribunal dated 13^th January 2020 to a favourable order from the Hon’ble Delhi High Court dated 29^th July, 2020 was no less than a roller coaster ride.

I got a rude shock when I was informed by UPSC that they have excluded me from the entire process in November 2019.

On Scrutiny of your DAF, it is seen that you have not submitted /uploaded the Income & Asset Certificate dated prior to 01/08/2019. However, you have mentioned in Col. 8 (b) & (c) of DAF that you are in possession of Income & Asset Certificate to be produced by EWS Candidate as on 31/07/2019. Your action leads to “making statements which are incorrect or false or suppressing material information" 

From then on, my efforts began to get myself included in the process once again as I was not at fault and there was no intention to mislead the Commission or furnish false information. But, unfortunately, my efforts did not pay off at all. This was my first exposure to the Indian judiciary and with limited understanding and experience of how the system works; I did all that was possible at my end. This included consulting numerous lawyers, getting expert advice from retired judges, talking to seniors, friends, teachers, family members. I wanted to have the best of the lawyers represent my case and despite all efforts, the Hon’ble Tribunal extended the cutoff date by 16 days which brought no relief to me. I continued to be excluded from the process and the Mains results were declared to my exclusion. 13th January 2020 ended as a dark day for me, one that I would never want to look back to. 

It was all stormy but it can't rain forever

With the declaration of Mains results on 15^th January 2020, phone calls poured in all day asking me about my results. Some were of the view that I was lying about my results and making up stories to hide my failure. Some others opined that it was a matter of fate and the outcome of my past sins. Few others suggested that I should give up wasting resources on a process that is infamous for its delays and complications and that conformity is the best way forward for a common person when the opponent is an institution. A few others advised me to face the reality that my results have also been declared and that I could not make it to the Personality Test. It was indeed tough to live in Old Rajinder Nagar seeing the same people ignoring me, who would once laugh with me during my good times. The Bada Bazar Marg which once gave me immense happiness changed to one I wanted to avoid at all costs. Slowly, I started avoiding crowded places, for instance, the chai point behind the Safal store, the chole kulche near Kumar Book store as I was extremely low in confidence. However, I was fortunate to have my family members and a handful of friends who consistently supported me at all times. For instance, Ashish, Jyothirmayee, and Chandrasekhar treated it as their own problem and would provide all possible suggestions to get me out of this maze. Further, Vishnu, Jatin, and Alok also provided key insights and helped me devise a plan of action before each hearing. It is because of their support that I could gather the courage to appeal the verdict of CAT before the Delhi High Court.

I resolved to give my best and leave the rest on God. In the initial few hearings in Delhi High Court, the Bench was not inclined to give a relief beyond the Tribunal’s verdict. I pleaded to my lawyers to change the strategy and present my individual case facts before the bench as I didn’t need an extension of the cut-off date. Despite all my persuasion, they refused to adopt my strategy as they thought it didn’t have enough weight. Autumn passed by, winter brought the monstrous pandemic to India, spring brought the nationwide lockdown, summer brought about the global slowdown and the monsoons told us that Mother Nature was healing. But, none of the seasons brought even the slightest hope to uplift my mental state. My apprehension rose exponentially as the stages passed by, one after the other. The DAF-II window opened and closed, the Forest interviews commenced and ended, the civil services interviews commenced. It was mid-February and I had only 45 days in my hand to do all that I could and only a miracle could save me. I started consulting astrologers and taking their advice, putting to practice all rituals that they suggested with the faith that one day God will listen to this stubborn heart. I prayed hard, I requested God for magic, I begged to the Almighty, not for the prestige that this service carries but because I believed I would make a good officer. Meanwhile, in the first week of March, UPSC declared the results of Forest Services Examination 2019 which increased my anxiety. I decided to engage an Arguing counsel to present my case for the next hearing 19^th March 2020 but because of the pandemic, the courts stopped their operations. But every dark cloud has a silver lining and to my relief, UPSC also notified that they have postponed the interviews of about 600 candidates until further notice.

To add to my woes, the pandemic was rapidly spreading and before I could shift with my family, there was a nationwide lockdown that confined me to my room in Old Rajinder Nagar. I had just begun to cope up with the new normal when on 30th March, an electric fire broke out in my flat. I started believing that there was some fault in my stars and becoming a civil servant was not in my fate as not even a single effort of mine was bearing any fruit. The series of bad incidents continued- the cancellation of candidature by UPSC, then an adverse order from CAT, followed by exclusion from Mains result, nationwide lockdown, and now this fire in the flat. There was not even an iota of positivity in my life that I could cling on to and I decided to shift with my family. 

It ain't over until it's over

When you feel like quitting, remember why you started. Sitting in my bedroom, I reflected upon my past when I had made up my mind to quit from a high paying stable job to see my dream through. With whatever limited energy I was left with, I decided to put in an all-out effort to it for the final time and then look out for other job opportunities. I started by evaluating the options I had in hand. I was clear in my mind that with the current flow of things, I would not get relief from the courts as there was a lack of convergence in strategy between me and my lawyers. At this point, I decided to take a No-Objection from my existing counsels to someone whose arguments aligned with my requirements. The idea of engaging Mr. J. Sai Deepak as an Arguing Counsel was there in my mind for quite some time as I had closely observed his persuasion and argumentative skills in Rajya Sabha TV Big Picture and I was convinced that he is the perfect person for the job. He was assisted by Mr. Avinash Sharma, who exhibited the highest levels of professionalism while dealing with the case. They were always receptive to my ideas and they combined professionalism with a layer of compassion which improved the outcomes significantly. Further, the most important thing that needs to be underlined is the mix of empathy and passion for their profession which is a rarity today-- they helped me despite knowing that I will not be able to pay as per their standard charges.  With rejuvenated energy, we took a leap of faith and kickstarted our process in mid-June when UPSC notified to resume the interviews and wind up the process by 30^th July 2020. Amidst the pandemic, it was difficult to persuade the Court regarding the urgency of the matter as the courts were operating in a limited manner. Thereon, the Hon’ble Courts heard the matter on 15^th July, 17^th July, 23^rd July, 27^th July, 29^th July, 4^th August, 11^th August, and 20^th August, and 26th August. At this point, I must take a pause and show my sincere gratitude to Khajan, who would act as the devil's advocate to finetune my strategy for every hearing. The fact that the matter was heard so extensively with frequent dates being provided even amidst the pandemic is no less than a miracle. I would go to attend each hearing with my sister-in-law hoping for divine intervention.

It was only on 23rd July that things started becoming favourable and there arose a bright chance of getting relief. The final sigh of relief came when the Lordships were kind enough to say- "The poor girl should not miss the bus because of the court proceedings" and directed UPSC to declare my Mains results. After a long waiting period of 8 months, I was apprised of my Mains result on 30^th July 2020 and called for an interview on 3^rd August 2020. I was bemused whether to go ahead and appear in the Personality Test or request the Commission for more time to prepare. I decided to go for it as I didn’t know how the Commission would respond in case I asked for more time. The clock was ticking fast and I had only 48 hours to prepare. I didn't know what to cover, what to leave. I didn't know what to prioritize- the outfit, or filling up the DAF-2, or study optional, or current affairs. It was indeed tough for me to arrange the formal wear, fill up the Detailed Application Form and at the same time prepare for the Test at such short notice. Few friends went all out to help me in these 2 days, to name a few Shweta who sat down to teach every bit of current affairs and all possible questions from my DAF-II. Without her timely help, I could not have gone for the interview confidently. Gopinath took charge of all the documents that had to be carried on the day of the interview. Ajay, who is a brother from another mother accompanied me along with my family for the Personality Test. Few friends took mock interviews to ensure that I speak with confidence. It goes without saying that the support of family members has been unparalleled to ensure everything is perfect on the day we had long waited for. As a matter of fact, my brother was perhaps the only individual who was optimistic throughout this rough journey and I feel really blessed to have a family who stood by me like a strong pillar. After each disappointed hearing, he would say- "Hoye jabe, I am sure"- this kept me going.

I will talk about my interview experience at length in another blog. Today, when I look back and reflect on the dramatic sequence of events, it was no less than divine intervention. I must say that I have transformed significantly through this episode. Few life lessons that I would retain from this are- First, sometimes life throws us a curveball for no reason that we can fathom. But do not despair. We are not alone. We can persevere. This, too, shall pass, like the heat of summer(Haemin Sunim). Second, you try, you fail. You try, you fail. The real failure is when you stop trying. Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently(Henry Ford). Third, each mistake teaches you something new about yourself. There is no failure, remember, except in no longer trying. It is the courage to continue that counts(Chris Bradford). Fourth, Keep the faith. Hold on. Things will get better. It might be stormy now. But it can't rain forever.(Kezhialyn Camagay). Fifth, we must always lend a helping hand to anyone in need without thinking that our contribution may not be enough. It is only in hindsight that we realize the outcome of each of these helping hands. Today, I could complete the process because of the summation of each of the individual efforts. 

Coming back to the interview, even before I could go for my interview, the speculation about the results on 3^rd evening or 4^th morning were doing their rounds which kept me anxious all along. The telegram groups, channels were flooded with chats around the possible time of results. Some were of the view that results would be out soon after my interview, some opined that by evening or night UPSC would declare the results. It was tough for me to isolate myself from these discussions and naturally increased my restlessness. The next day, when I was undergoing my Medical Test, a candidate announced that UPSC had declared the final results. My heart was beating fast, while my brother was on the phone searching for my name in the list. There was a long pause of silence and I could hear the scary system alert in the background, and then he said- “Satabdi’r hoyeche bole toh mone hoy na!!”